Mr X and Me

13th Nov 2008

Long Long ago, once upon a time there was a Russian traveller. Forget about the name because we will take another century and high level hybrid genetic mutation to be able to spell that russian's name.
Lets call him "X".
So, this X landed in India to explore the country, at that time more densely populated with trees, tigers, leopards. Yet, India, minus the Cyber giant tag, intrigued him very much, or so he says. His account made him go into history books. So,what did he like about India?
Thats the point I tried to explore.

X was very fascinated by "Paan". He happened to meet an English lady whose husband was with East India Company. So he asked her, "What is this red-blood like thing that every man and woman seems to be chewing all the time?"
The lady explained, "It is 'the paan'. Its not red in colour. Its actually beetle leaf wrapped inwards 4-5 times with some nuts/tobacco, and some limestone to give the red colour". Very impressed with the description, X asked if he could have one.
The lady wrapped 2 paans and gave one to X. What he felt, in his own words, "My head jolted and swirled.It was spinning.My tongue felt dry, bitter. Everything around me zoomed. I felt nauseated and felt I would collapse."

I dont know what the English lady gave him, but this seems more like describing an indigestion problem. Ironically, paan is good for digestion.

Anyways, I too feel the same way about paan with a difference though. I feel the same way for the "paan spittle". My feelings are worse than X's. Sometimes I think all these spitters are an organization out to terrorize others who dont spit. On the face of it, schizophrenia is more serious than indigestion. Its time they put my name in current affairs.

Its a mystery why X did not include paan spittle in his account. May be, he got used to it. I will never buy the story that people did not spit in erstwhile India. Worse, may be he too started to spit. You know, be a roman in rome kind of stuff..

Next time somebody asks you what you are likely find in all corners if India, you can be safe from being labelled ignorant. Just say 'paan spittle'. Tell them, everywhere, from staircases to lifts, from buildings to monuments, from trains to train stations, from autos to buses, from every old hoarding to a new one, 'Spit' rules!! So much for our colourful culture and traditions!!